I have just recently returned from the gift of planning for a national training programme with the United Church of Canada (UCC) for Designated Lay Ministry. There is much that has drawn me to this opportunity to be involved in the formation of future ministers within our midst and I would say that one of the primary motivations has to do with the idea of leadership – sometimes understood within a Christian context as discipleship.

Question mark

Though this is not a new area upon which for me to reflect, I also had the pleasure of watching a TedTalk recently by Simon Sinek, How great leaders inspire action (see below). The connexion for me – which I recently hinted on facebook that the video would be central to a blog – has to do with our current denominational angst about who we are, where we are going and the paralysis that seems – at times – to take hold and we forget about how we might lead, how we might embolden, how we might inspire.

Regardless of organisation – corporate, entrepreneurial, NGO, government or faith-based – Sinek’s TEDTalk has me stirred in thought about the difference between leadership and one who leads: the difference between management and creativity; and the difference between maintaining what is and inspiring what might be. I will not try to offer an overview – watching the video does a much better job of sharing his articulate exploration – but what is most present is what he calls ‘The Why.’

At the centre of one who leads is confidence in one’s motivation, the intent for action, The Why they do something. Everything else The How or The Why that happens, whether that’s the production line of a product of the processes that help disseminate a message or brand, without The Why mediocrity ensues. After mediocrity, I think apathy arises with inertia holding people back from truly life-giving opportunities because The Why is missing.

Christ Taking Leave of the Apostles

At times it feels like that churches – large and small – our larger denominational body and the ancillary NGOs and justice groups within the UCC have begun to forget our Why. In Christian language we call that Why the Good News – a sense that there is in fact freedom from the oppressive nature of human society, whether that be such structures that range from misogyny to homophobia or from racism to ageism to mention only a few of the ways we devalue one another. The belief that – with compassion and humility – the world can begin to change to reflect a future (we call that the Kingdom) that begins in the Now. This future world possesses the potential to recognise that all people are meant to shine and that we each possess a light that can inspire another if only it is nurtured and cared for.

I have experienced this more fully as we get mired in the illusion that there is not enough, that if we tweak this process all will be well, that if only this group or that group came more regularly all would be as it had once been or any of the myriad ways in which we do not acknowledge that life is abundant-filled and that it is to the Creator that all belongs. If we hold onto control, we become leaders or managers intent on maintaining that status quo, as opposed to leading with a passion and dream that is only limited by the degree to which we think all things are possible.

I have just recently returned from the gift of planning for a national programme with the United Church of Canada (UCC) for Designated Lay Ministry. The gift of this group of men and women – Brothers and Sisters – is that many are in their second or third careers and yet not only have they lived a life of ongoing learning, they have responded to a whisper, a Call to lead. To walk into people’s lives and share the Good News: news that challenges and is radical, a message that breaks down assumptions and stereotypes, a faith that encourages love in the face of human hate. They may not know why they are finally making this decision, but they have indeed grounded themselves in The Why to lead …

A Deacon’s Musing blog

A Map of the Apostles’ Travels

I’ve been on a bit of a hiatus from blogging over the last few weeks. Some time off, enjoying family, wrestling with family, noting the gift of family, navigating the relationships of family … in other words reconnecting with people whom I do not often get to see is indeed a blessing!

As I return to the beckoning cursor, I have been struck by our recent denominational decisions to once more lay people off, to wrestle with the ongoing narrative of deficit. In this place, I am endeavouring to find the balance of critique and reflection, while avoiding judgement. Let me know how I do …

I must – at the outset – name I am not, nor have I been at the table where all of the information is available. I also realise that these are likely not easy decisions lightly considered. We are – in all of our human frailties – a faith community that endeavours to be compassionate. Okay, those are some of my disclaimers …

What I do know is that denominationally we sometimes make decisions that I do not completely understand. When there was a recent opportunity to strike a new path, follow a new trajectory that might mean relocating national offices that possessed the potential of both abundance and – what seemed to me – fiscally sound stewardship, we decided to stay located in a place that is … well … rather expensive!

From this recent decision, others have occurred that lead me down corridors and hallways upon which each door has a question hanging and which seems to still invite discussion …

We are benefitting from a long history of being Christians who are complicit and intimately connected with Empire and now it seems we’re holding on to that illusion. By clenching with white knuckles, we seem unable to awaken to the newness about us. This newness – if you will – is also generously provided for by proceeds which we can now choose to squander with abandon and joy!

I could write tomes about what this Empire thing means (Christendom is one of the old school words), but that’s already been done. Let’s just say that the United Church of Canada – as a reflection of a larger possible discussion around Empire – is the only church in Canada established by an act of Parliament on April 5, 1924. This decree stretches back through almost two millennia in which the Christian message, the Good News as we call it, has had to accommodate that which – at one time – its first leader, Jesus, critiqued! And now, as we lose the influence that came with being the Empire’s religion, we have to confront some difficult realities. And – for me – these are some of my questions:

As is my wont, I do not have the answer, but I certainly have some inkling. Whatever we mean by the Good News, it’s always been about transforming lives. And staying where you are, entrenching in the Now, is about inertia and a state of static disrepair. Across this vast country there is wealth – the proceeds – tied up in capital assets, buildings and land, trust funds, mutual funds that make some countries GDPs look like a Piggy Bank filled with pennies, which though still  legal tender are no longer in circulation here in Canada! Imagine, if we cut those strings, withdrew the seed from the stores and started planting with abandon … I know I don’t have the answers, but I sure am fascinated with wonder …

A Deacon’s Musing blog

Bendell’s Cove & Vicinity (1635)

In 2001, my partner and I were living in Nipawin, SK, CAN. She had just been Settled into her first ministry and I was the Minister’s spouse. I had the blessing of exploring fiction writing, discerning where I might be Called and – generally – very much enjoyed that time of our lives as we moved into a new stage in our journey together: one which continues to offer so many gifts upon which to reflect and see the Holy’s presence in our lives.

I am assuming that most of you reading this have some frame of reference for the events of September 11^th 2001. Mine is anchored in just having returned from a 10k run with our two Border Collies, as I walked into our 1930s, sawdust insulated home, I saw the unfolding morning TV coverage and – literally – became transfixed by the news, the reporting and quickly became numb for the day’s remainder: dazed by the horror, shocked at the inherent anger that would have led to such soul-destroying and life-devouring choices and prayerful. I remember my mantra – on that day – was grounded in a hope for a decision that would not mirror the violence, one that might explore a different way, a path that might lead to understanding that balanced the need for justice and forgiveness for all of us: a human and frail family that too often sees – or wishes it could be – things as binary.

And – once more dazed and numb – this last Monday (April 15/13), as events unfolded in Boston, I was startled back into that remembering. As of this musing, there remains a lack of clarity as to who is responsible and that the motivations for such violence remain to be rationalised and part of me simply weeps for the harm done and the lives devastated, maimed and lost. Martin Richard – the 8 year old boy whom the media has focused upon – who a year ago apparently said, “No more hurting people,” now haunts me as I try to process this latest example of humans hurting one another.

In this place of haunting, I have no answers, no simple solutions and a long time ago I learned that retribution simply creates a circularity of self-fulfilling prophecy. I know what my faith offers, what the ministry of Jesus challenges me to live into and I cling to the ideas of Resurrection, forgiveness and a Third Way in times in which our collective actions confound my ability to comprehend the hurt we perpetuate against one another.

Mostly – though …

I write, I muse, I pray aloud in this medium in order not to be silenced into fear …

I write, I muse, I pray that these words offer others to name that which is tumultuously stirring within …

I write, I muse, I pray that our collective desire for peace allows us to hear that which we may be difficult in ways that create conversations and does not lead to judgement …

I write, I muse, I pray that those who have, do and will experience violence will know – ultimately – that they are not alone by the choices others make and – rather – that they will be embraced as the precious gift they are …

Luxembourgers in England: Evacuees in Surrey (1942)

A Deacon’s Musing blog

Our wee denomination – known as the United Church of Canada – is currently wrestling with who we are, where the Spirit might be leading us and how we might endeavour to be present to the change that might be required of us. The fancy name for this time of questioning and discerning is the Comprehensive Review.

During last week’s reflection – after wrestling with getting a microphone turned on (yep human error occurred) – I started to ask the question: What is church? Since Sunday, I remain curious as to how we might answer this central question.

United Church Crest

I am not sure that this week’s blog will necessarily do much more than reflect and offer even more questions. In fact, I would love to hear your thoughts about where is the Spirit Calling us to share the Good News – to share God’s Call of Abundance in the world? What does it mean to be church? What has it meant for you? What has to change and what’s currently pretty great that is happening that you feel needs to be named and celebrated?

Like I said, a lot of questions are a swirl …

For those who do not know, the reality is that most Mainstream Protestant denominations are struggling to see Good News as they attach ‘success’ to the amount of bottoms in their pews. And though it is a gift to be in leadership at UCiM – which seems not to be struggling with this particular challenge – the language we still use is often grounded in what is missing and what we do not have. And even though the language we use may not stand true when explored – in other words there is abundance in both UCiM’s context and our within our larger denomination – the words we use frame the conversation.

For instance … though the media more often than not frames the news in violence and crime, corruption and cynicism, the reality is that – in Canada alone – every single day almost 35 000 000 stories unfold in which gentle relations occur between people every day. Walk into any grocery store around 17:00 in this country and people of different colours, creeds, languages, genders and all those things too often we imagine divide and separate us are not present. These divisions elsewhere might devolve into tribalism and violence, yet here, we live in a mostly civil society in which each day is gift-filled!

• What does that have to do with being church?
• What does this have to do with our own denominational angst?

I think that this gift-filled reality mirrors the message that Jesus’ ministry modelled …

I certainly have hopes about the trajectory upon which we might be walking and I do know that the intention of our faith – whether institutional or personally – determines whether our message resonates for those seeking. Whatever the church is and will be; whoever we understand ourselves to be as Christians must begin from a place of in which confidence sits with humility. We must be able to distinguish between our own tendencies to want control – ego – and the invitation to embrace the gift of meekness to follow the Spirit into new places which – though challenging and may confront human suffering – reflect God’s whacky, upside-down abundance in which we are all Sisters and Brothers!

I know this week’s blog has not done much more than raise even more questions:

• Where is the Spirit Calling us to share the Good News of God’s Abundance in the world?
• What does it mean to be church?
•What has it meant for you?
• What has to change and what’s currently pretty great that needs to be named and celebrated?

A Deacon’s Musing blog

Rachael had left to run some errands in the Polis. Though they had removed themselves to the crystalline desert there were still connexions, obligations and responsibilities that required … intention. Miriam could not bring herself to return – it had been several revolutions since they had left and still the thought of returning for required practicalities was draining. Rachael simply smiled without recrimination.

Source True

Silently Floating Downward

As Miriam replayed the day old memory, she initially did not hear the transponder quietly requesting her attention. The lyrical tone finally interrupted her fugue and she left the veranda as the singing desert shared a melody announcing the evening’s arrival. As the doors slid open in their audibly silent whisper, the transponder cascaded with pastel-lighted sound. As Miriam lifted her arm to activate the visual connexion, she anticipated that Rachael might be on the other end – perhaps announcing a surprise early return – as her arm activated the sensor, however, she knew that would not be the case …

Though there was no visual, the Cynosure’s logo swirled. Miriam’s breath halted, her shoulders tightened, and she knew her hoped for retirement, retreat, even reprieve was … over.

“Creator Balbus?” a monotone voice inquired.

“Here,” Miriam replied by rote.

“Creator Balbus, please hold for Mentor Pilate. Initiating visual feed in 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …”

Upon an empty table recently sealed in a hermeneutic murmur, as the suns’ set in cascading colours slowly drawing nigh, a feather floats silently downward. Landing upon a letter of parchment, it clings to the dappling vestige of a tear let loose in loss …

A Deacon’s Musing blog

Jesus kept saying, “Father, forgive them, because they don’t know what they’re doing.”
Then they divided his clothes among them by throwing dice.
Luke 23:34 (ISV)

Ancient Roman spears

The Tirones resented being dispatched to the Hill of Skulls. The wailing of the women – as their sons, lovers and husbands died on the cross – was exhausting. But that’s what the recruits got. Watching the rebels and rabble die wasn’t really glorious. Each man stationed to the watch, to make sure no one was freed before the torturing had transmitted its lethal and gruesome message, was not why they were here. For the Pax Romana, the glory of Rome, that was they all were here and they all longed to be Centurions one day: But – clearly – not on this day.

Up they came, and they looked more rabble then rebel this day. Three men barely able to carry their cross came stumbling like dehydrated cattle, who were drawn to the illusion of drinking desert sand imagining it was water was how they appeared to Iduma. One of them clearly was not even able to bear his own load and some Iudaeus was doing it for him! He scoffed, this was the one about which Pilate was worried, he wondered to himself?

Iduma looked to Julianus and they both snickered. Spears were sharpened and they were looking forward to the one thing that made this post bearable. The nails were driven, the usual sobbing ensued. Iduma knew that Kanutus was hoping for some action – last week some fisherman’s son had ‘taken offence’ to his father being executed for the filth & the revolutionary he was. Bored, Kanutus impaled the boy before his own dying father: war was war and they all knew Palestine was a festering ground of insurgence. Best to break them and keep them broken, Iduma mused.

Roman Dice Players

Ah well, the storm was coming and Kanutus had his dice. So, at least here was the perk. It had been awhile since he had won the lot throw, but maybe that would be different. He looked up at the ‘King’ and spat. One of the women around him said something in their guttural language, sounded even like a prayer. But what would you expect from the barbaroi … they began to play for his clothes, after all it was the only thing of value on this or any other day on the Hill of Skulls …

A Deacon’s Musing blog

Revolution

During the Season of Lent, UCiM will be engaging line by line with the Lord’s Prayer. This week’s exploration has considered the entire prayer in relationship to our current Affirming Exploration. I hope, therefore, that these Lenten blogs, honour those faithful conversations, which are occurring within our community of faith.

Okay, I think this blog may end up being more rant like, so please use the comment section below to let me know whether – in fact – this is true & any thoughts/challenges that may arise!

Well … the following are some vignettes of this week that have led to this Lenten blog …

Bullying

{rant}I really do not care what – you the Reader – believe. My only proviso is this: does what you believe lead you to not only compassion, but humility? The combination of the two inevitably confronts violence, whether dogmatic, intellectual or religious as unacceptable. In other words, if what you espouse, articulate, or preach can lead to dehumanising another person and – subsequently – rationalise depriving him/her of dignity our potential relationship has arrived at a ‘non-negotiable.’

As Christians, I believe that the UCC has spoken loudly and clearly in the past to a large audience that looked to us for direction. That denominational experience has created the illusion that we continue to be heard. The fact is that our voice has waned, specifically within the traditional media that regularly portrays dysfunctional, judgemental and – let’s face it – hate-filled voices that claim to speak normatively for Christianity. And  {rant continues} we’ve allowed it to happen and we’ve moved (it sometimes seems) from speaking prophetically to a place of seeing the torture device upon which Jesus was fastened and executed as some intellectual puzzle or riddle to be worried, as opposed to a call to action in the world. When we do not speak up, put our bodies in the way to protect – LITERALLY – those who suffer marginalisation and oppression, we have not only stumbled, we’ve become complicit.{/rant}

Okay, I’m taking a deep breath. I realise that any rant is often just as much a gloss that over-simplifies and also can leave an impression of frustration. And though some of that may be true, the point is that I love this UCC institution for all its human failings and challenges. It is core to our history that we have spoken truth; we have stood in solidarity with those for whom human dignity has been diminished. Bill 18 and its intrinsic truths, grounded in secular and humanist ideas of human rights, resonates fundamentally with a Christian understanding of abundance and the blessings that all of us in our diversity are Beloved Children of God. And whenever voices – secular, ecumenical, and inter-faith friends – speak in tongues that wrap discrimination and intolerance in the guise of freedom then silent we must not be!

We walk into Holy Week, a dark week of truths dressed in shadows. This week for Christians resonates to the core of who we long to be … but Easter is not yet here and Christmas is long behind us. Though the crowds cheered upon Jesus’ entrance into Jerusalem with palms waving, they would shortly turn from gaiety to discord. For those of us who endeavour to live into this discipleship there is great joy and bounty, but it is always grounded in the reality of eyes wide open to the suffering and adversity that humanity perpetuates upon the least. And – should we be so emboldened – standing in the place of suffering and adversity is a humbling invitation to be the Light for whom the Holy knows we are …

A Deacon’s Musing blog

… And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Matthew 6:13 (KJV)

During the Season of Lent, UCiM will be engaging line by line with the Lord’s Prayer. This week’s exploration has delved into the fourth line of the prayer. I hope, therefore, that these Lenten blogs, honour those faithful conversations, which are occurring within our community of faith.

It’s amazing how a well-paced prayer, engaged with intention leads us to places that force reflection; perhaps cause us to hold breath tightly as we put our self into the import of the words we utter. The fifth line of the Lord’s Prayer certainly does that! Temptation & evil: words that hold the Christian psyche to account and which – if left unexamined – can lead to bad theology at the least and harm at worst …

This prayer is the beginning of problems we would never have had had we not met Christ and enlisted with Christ’s people. The forces of evil do not relinquish their territory without a fight and that is you.
Willimon & Hauerwas, Lord Teach Us, 89

A blog about temptation and evil is – well – not possible. A book perhaps … so let’s just muse about the word temptation and see where that takes us …

 There’s lots of ways to tackle the word. I thought that I would start with the Greek. The Greek word πειρασμός” (peirasmos) has a few translation possibilities that include temptation, testing, trial, experiment. Its traditional use – temptation – however seems to be inconsistent with James 1.12-15 at which point we are told that God does not tempt people as some test to pass.

A Die Set

This insight brought me back to last week’s blog about Forgiveness and – in particular – the question of agency. When this prayer references temptation, what are we asking? To whom are we speaking? If James’ challenge does not point to God or the external, I find myself looking inward and wondering whether the agency or act of temptation refers to the choices we make, as opposed to an external agent – God for instance. The former certainly reinforces a sense of responsibility and self-knowing, whereas the latter seems to lead to a puppet-string reality that does not appear all that life-affirming or loving.

This might seem like an aside, but I’ve been playing Role Playing Games for a while. I was first introduced to them as a young boy at a community centre in an area in Ottawa called the Glebe. Think ‘choose-your-own-story’ opportunity with a group of 4-6 others in which you are the heroes. I was playing a Paladin – think White-Knight type – and he was being tested by some nefarious creature and my character’s perception of reality was not necessarily 100%. In order to stay a White Knight, however, I had to be consistent in my responses to the test or temptations. In other words, the intention of the character was more important than the tests themselves. The agency of that character was internal in nature though he was responding to an external context. Who would have thought that a game as a young teen could have moral and ethical implications!

As I muse about the fifth line of the Jesus Prayer, I believe that temptation does not mean that God may or may not test us and that, in turn, those tests determine our worthiness – vis-à-vis sin – to get a bus pass to heaven! Rather, keeping James in mind, I think it’s about knowing our own stuff and claiming that. Without some intention, we can certainly enter fall into the habitual practices that – small step by small step – lead to bad choices. Choices that eventually compound and can certainly lead to individual brokenness and collective and corporate acts of evil (maybe next Lent we’ll talk about evil …).

Too often Christianity seems to be portrayed in a manner that detracts from encouraging us to claim our full potential as Children of God. To be so emboldened requires work, digging deep and understanding our triggers, the things that we want and keep us from shining. God’s Creation is abundant and – to quote Florida Scott-Maxwell – we are called to be ‘fierce in reality.’ And to do so we must first recognise those temptations to which we are susceptible!

A Deacon’s Musing blog

… and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
Matthew 6:12 (NRSV)

During the Season of Lent, UCiM will be engaging line by line with the Lord’s Prayer. This week’s exploration has delved into the fourth line of the prayer. I hope, therefore, that these Lenten blogs, honour those faithful conversations, which are occurring within our community of faith.

Journey of the Nishiyuu

Forgiveness …. it happens to be one of those touchstone words for many Christians. Some like to pontificate, others speak more with body language that indicates tension at the least and abhorrence at the worst, while others want to deconstruct the word, strip away connotative value and try to find (often not well) any way in which it might fit in the 21^st century.

I suspect that I could likely repeat this Lenten blog every year for the rest of my years and still not arrive at any place that does the word service in respect to depth and/or nuance. That having been said, I realise that my step stone – this year – is the discussion around forgiveness of one who does harm and, in particular, something virulent and horrendous. I will let you fill in the image for yourself … because the reality is this was also hard for Jesus. As the Sacred Story goes, while suffering and enduring the torture of the Cross that would eventually lead to his execution, even he had to ask God to forgive those who had done what they were doing!

Though that is the place from which I began, I quickly departed from that trajectory. In other words I shifted from forgive those who trespass against us ->  and forgive us our trespasses. Let’s face it; we live in a victim culture.

This person did this, I was affected this way, this institution made this choice or that star crossed my equinox when … yes I admit there is a certain flip to this paragraph and yes I must acknowledge that sanitising one’s context with a simple ‘get over it’ often actually does re-victimise! And I in no way do I want to diminish, simplify or be paternalistic! What I mean in this victim-hero-of-our-own-story mentality is that it is often grounded in the privilege I possess and those with whom I share this space … which ironically is likely most everyone reading this!

We really do not want to think that we have caused someone else harm, whether intentionally or unconsciously! In fact, I think there is a certain import that deserves some reflection next time I pray this prayer. The first part of this fourth line has nothing to do with me receiving hurt, but refers to me as the agent!

Elie Wiesel, on 27 October 1986 said the following:

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
The opposite of beauty is not ugliness, it’s indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, but indifference between life and death.

As I wrestle with these questions the Journey of the Nishiyuu stands as a stark reminder of this indifference. This 1000 km journey to Ottawa, our nation’s capital, receives no conventional media coverage. As a denomination that struggles to live into Right Relations the reality of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission now faces a paradox: though the intent of the TRC may be to encourage mutual healing, the very fact that the TRC now has to take our government (from whom it received its direction!) to court in order to fulfil its mandate echoes a colonial ‘get over it’ mentality. Canadian dominant non-aboriginal cannot do its own healing if we deny the need for mutuality as we confront our benefit from a legacy of racism.

Whatever this forgiveness thing means, I think the Jesus’ Prayer reminds us to begin with ourselves – to skip to the last line is not only dangerous, I believe ethically it is immoral and theologically it is sinful. I most certainly know I am not perfect and hope this week’s blog sounds more challenging then judgemental. I also know that until those who wear privilege acknowledge it – for all that difficulty implies  – we simply perpetuate cultural chauvinism and a colonial mentality that limits our own ability to be fully human, need alone those who must bear the burden of our myopic nature!

May your forgiveness ultimately free others to be the Light for which we long and aspire to be!

A Deacon’s Musing blog

I have recently been invited by my alma mater – the Centre for Christian Studies (CCS) – to do a little blogging. The parameters are fairly broad, but it was helpful to be invited to return to a previous blog – A Deacon’s Musing: To Blog or not to Blog – as a place from which to begin. The following blog for CCS, therefore, is what has resulted in the ensuing musing of a Deacon and is structured around some of the helpful guiding questions, which were initially posed through facebook … and I do pray that the final and hanging note will create space for the conversation to continue!